My daughter Ashley is mad because we are making her go to seminary (a class given by the church to teach about the gospel of Jesus Christ) at 5:30 am every morning. When we lived in Washington State it wasn’t a big deal because seminary started at 7am and all the kids went to the same school so they would give each other rides straight to school when it was over. Here in Virginia it is a lot more involved. We leave our house in Quantico by 5:30 am, get on a freeway to drive 20 minutes away to a church members house in Mt Clair. I drop her off and head to the Panera Bread to sit and make a “to do” list for the day. I pick her up at 6:50 am, get back on the freeway just to sit in traffic for 20-30 minutes just to get back on base. We swing by the house to pick Victor up and then I drop them off at school just in time.
When I first heard about the time and location of the seminary class here I thought “There is ABSOLUTLY NO WAY am I waking up that early in the morning”. Ashley was in cheer that was keeping her really busy and I just didn’t want to do it. At that time she was starting to like a boy at church named Mike so she thought that she should go to seminary. I did a lot of praying about it and the only answer I felt I received was to at least try it before outright ruling it out.
So we started to make that early morning trek. At first it was pretty difficult and we were late most of the time. Then the girls from church weren’t too happy that Ashley was dating someone that they all liked and didn’t treat Ashley very well for a couple of weeks. To add to the misery she was going through, she also liked this looser kid named Chris from her school. If you looked up the definition of “player” in the dictionary it would have this kids picture.
He was dragging her around on a little string making her feel confused about the decision she made to date someone else. Chris had a girlfriend that went to another school yet was telling Ashley how much he wanted to be with her instead but it was “complicated”. He would text her and bug her on a daily basis until she finally broke up with the really nice and very good looking Mike from church.
She was on an emotional rollercoaster that finally came to a stop when she found out that Chris slept with one of her friends from school. During this time we found out that she was not doing well in her school work so she was put on probation with no friend, TV or phone privileges.
Because of this time away from the drama she seemed to be getting better. She was focusing on her studies, reading her scriptures and getting along with the family. As always with most teenagers it was too good to last. Now Chris is trying to talk to her again and who could blame him. Ashley is an absolutely gorgeous girl with a great personality. Unfortunately she just doesn’t realize that she is better than this kid that only wants her virginity to add to his arsenal.
Now she is complaining about going to seminary. At dinner last night we tried to give her a chance to plead her case and convince us that we should just give up on the daily inconvenience but all she could do is throw a fit every time we would question her reasoning. For example: She said that because she has to wake up so early it causes her to be too tired at school and that is the reason that she was doing poorly. We had a meeting with all of her teachers last week and they feel that the reason she is doing poorly (and she agreed) was that she talks too much in class. We simply asked her if she could go to bed earlier to get better rest and then reminded her of the real reason she was doing poorly. Then she said that she just doesn’t pay attention in seminary so what is the use of going. We told her that these were issues that she was creating for herself. If she would pick out her outfit the night before, go to sleep earlier and “CHOOSE” to pay attention then all these issues would go away.
It was at this time that she threw the fit and started in with the attitude. The same attitude that follows every time she is doing something that she knows is not good for her or wrong in any way. This is the attitude that over time we have learned to recognize. It lets us know that she is in a bad place with her decision making. The hard thing is that at her age, we need to let go and allow her to walk down that path and pray that she learns sooner rather than later.
I simply let her know that it was not going to be an argument. We wanted to know how she felt and was giving her a chance to approach a conversation as an adult. I told her that when she was ready to discuss it further without the attitude that we would be there but until we were not going to change anything. She was to continue to go to seminary and be miserable because she was “choosing” to be that way.
We went this morning and of course she over acted the tired bit basically throwing her form of a temper tantrum. I just ignored it. My thinking is that this situation is good for her. It is teaching her how to deal with controversy in a mature manner. I also believe that in the end it will just be a reminder of how important it is to hear Heavenly Father’s words on a daily basis. She will be able to experience the emptiness of refusing the gospel vs. the feeling of joy and blessings to be received when she changes her mind and comes back.
The Silver lining:
These are the struggles that we all go experience on a daily basis. When we are doing well we tend to fall away, not read our scriptures and skip out on beneficial church activities. This is when satan rears his ugly head and tries to takes over. I am so thankful for the atonement of Jesus Christ. His loving example teaches me to be patient and forgiving with my daughter in her struggles because he is patient and forgiving with me in mine.
Our adversity will strengthen us if we “choose” to allow it to.
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