Dear Ashley,
I just wanted to write this letter to let you know how proud I am of you. You have really come a long way and even though you have faced difficult times you pushed forward and didn’t give up. I wanted to share my most recent experience with you because I see that you are struggling with the same issue.
It has been very difficult for me to get used to being a stay at home mom. It is so easy to focus on the negative aspects of the situation. From what I have learned about the scriptures is that Satan makes bad things easy and from what I have learned through experience is that I am never happy in the end when I did things the easy way. Most people would think I am crazy for finding it hard to be home because most people (myself included) viewed being home as relaxing and fun. Now that things here at home are becoming more organized I am feeling better however just last week I was wanting out so bad that I was willing to rush into another situation just to get out of the current one. You know that I have been talking about wanting to go to the nail tech school. From the second I heard the information I was hyped up and couldn’t concentrate on anything else. I decided to pray about it and have been doing so for the past week with no answer. I finally heard it this morning. I woke up early to do Vic’s hair and take him to school. Because I went to bed at a decent time last night I actually felt well rested and awake. The first thing I did was sit down to watch some of my shows. I got up a couple of times to get something from the kitchen and noticed that because the family has been working together to keep the house clean, there wasn’t going to be much to do so I could get to some of the other things done that I have been wanting to do. Things like cleaning the room upstairs and get stuff organized. The second I turned the TV off and it was silent, I heard my answer about the nail tech school. For the past week I have kept myself so busy with random, unimportant things like tv or shopping. It has been so loud around me that I couldn’t hear what heavenly father was saying to me. I had worked so hard to get to where I am right now and I wasn’t even giving it a chance to get used to.
The reason I wanted to share this with you is because I see you keeping yourself just as busy. Don’t get me wrong, it is good to be busy but remember what I always say… To much of ANYTHING (good or bad) is not good for you. Last night when I sat down to paint with you and victor, I noticed that you were getting frustrated because you didn’t like the way your painting was turning out. Victor and I were still on the first step and you had jumped so far ahead that it was difficult to realize what you needed to do to fix it. If you would have slowed down and followed the steps in order you would have been able to enjoy the process and have a better result. I see you doing this same thing with growing up. Now I am sure that all teenagers go through this very same thing when it comes to growing up. Everyone wants to be independent and on their own however when you speed through this process you miss out on enjoying being a kid. Reality hits, you look back and wish you would have relaxed more and enjoyed the ride because you can never get it back.
It’s just the same with me being a stay at home mom. I was so busy trying to jump ahead that I wasn’t enjoying the process of getting there. Now I know that I still want to do nail tech school but the difference between the way I feel now and the way I felt yesterday is that I know I don’t need to do it next week. There are more important things that need my full attention at this time. Things like my home, my pets and most importantly my family. Every day that goes by gets easier and I am finding that I am starting to enjoy this new adventure. If I hadn’t slowed down I never would have known this. We can always back up and fix mistakes just as you will be able to fix your painting. You just need to stop, say a prayer and start over. Turn down the volume and slow down a little so that you can hear the answers to your prayers. You will find that the silence is peaceful. It will help to relax those tense shoulders of yours.
I love you so much Ashley. I know that it is annoying to always have your parents telling you what to do and interjecting their opinions left and right. I hope you know deep down in your heart that it is only because we love you and not because we want to control you. Every day I pray to be a better parent then the day before and you are always teaching me new things. The thought of being away from both you and your brother this summer is tearing me up inside but I know that you need to spread your wings and learn to fly a little. I can only hope that I have taught you to fly straight. Just remember honey, when things get a little crazy just stop, say a prayer, turn down the volume and listen for your answer. This lesson has saved me a lot of unnecessary heart ache.
Love you always
Mom
